I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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