eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
