I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I smell like Dick and happiness
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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