I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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