You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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