this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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