eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
