I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Rumble strips road head = magical
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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