I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
