i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
