ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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