3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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