why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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