Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
