Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
