my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
