ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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