bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
