I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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