Whod you bang
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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