and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
