Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
