There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
