If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
