i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
