any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
