somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
