ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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