see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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