I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my being single is dangerous.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
