yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
