I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
