Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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