I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
