I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
