He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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