i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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