I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
