He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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