that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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