bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is the high leading the old right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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