I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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