WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
