2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
