I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
