you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
