When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
