Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
