some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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