Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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