remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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