If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
