While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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