The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
