i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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