i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
