There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize