Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
