He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
