he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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